Icarus nominees are rarely members of Mensa, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re being defiant, drunk, dumb or disorderly. Perhaps, all of the above. Judge the intelligence level of this week’s Icarus nominees and vote for the genius most likely to fly too close too the sun in the poll below.
Tell Peter about your Icarus stories in the comments. Find another failure and you’ll win an exclusive Peter Greenberg prize.
Against the Grain
Corn mazes are one of those wholesome fall family activities, so it’s hard to imagine how an outing to Massachusetts’ Connors Farm maze turned into a 911-emergency. This past week, a young family, who chose not to be named for this story, became so lost in the maze that they pulled out their cell phones and called 911 to send for a search and rescue team. Turns out the family was only the 25 feet from the maze’s exit. It took the local police and their K-9 squad less than five minutes to find the family. Connors Farm offered the family extra tickets to the maze, but they declined. Instead the Farm will make a commemorative sign in the maze where the family was lost.
Bathroom Banned
Potty humor is paramount with Icarus. Last week, we had a bathroom in a bag. This week Ryanair is debating removing the bathroom. This is just one of many controversial Ryanair plans. Past failed Ryanair schemes include charging passengers to use toilets, removing seats to create standing planes and eliminating co-pilots. Converting two of the three bathrooms into seats, thereby leaving one working lavatory for 200 passengers, would lower ticket prices by 5 percent. Seems like only time will tell if a one commode plane is the wave of the future or just another Icarus punchline.
Bump and Sue
If you fly enough, you understand that turbulence is an unpleasant but natural part of the flying experience. But, that wasn’t an acceptable solution for Colleen O’Neal, who weathered a two-hour turbulent flight from College Station to Houston, Texas in 2009. Instead of taking her grudge up with mother nature, O’Neal has decided to sue Continental, United, Colgan Air and Pennacle Airlines. Her suit is asking the companies to pay for her medical bills and mental anguish for the Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome she has suffered after the bumpy ride.
Whitney Houston. Credit: Asterio Tecson via Wikimedia Commons
Diva Does Delta
Notoriously troubled singer Whitney Houston almost got kicked off a Delta Air Lines flight in Atlanta because she refused to buckle up her seatbelt. According to gossip outlet TMZ, Houston “got diva” when a crew member asked her to buckle up. After refusing various crew requests, Houston finally allowed a crew member to fasten the seatbelt for her. According to TMZ’s report, sources close to the star confirm that she “overreacted a little bit” but is still “100% sober.” Houston was flying from Atlanta to Detroit to film her next movie. If this is how Houston behaves en route to set, it’s hard to imagine the onset hijinks to come.
The Parachute High Club
The FAA is now investigating one of most infamous and ingenious new porn movies ever. Alex Torres, whose porn aliases include VooDoo Child, Voodoo, Voo Doo and Lex, is both a skydiver and porn actor. Seeking Howard Stern’s approval, Torres shot a video of himself having sex with Hope Howell, the receptionist at Skydive Taft School, set to the tune of Katy Perry’s “E.T.” The film depicted the couple having relations aboard the plane, and as they jumped out of the aircraft and fell toward the ground. In a glorious climax, the two landed without incident only to find the Federal Airline Administration (FAA) considering looking into prosecuting the couple for violating federal regulations by having sex on a plane and potentially distracting the pilot. To be clear here, we consider our skydiving lovers winners in all regards. Our sole Icarus nominee is the FAA for failing to appreciate this cinematic aviating achievement.
Bathroom in a bag won last week’s Icarus Award. Check out past winners in our Icarus Award section. And vote here for this week’s most worthy contender:
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by Lily J. Kosner for Petergreenberg.com
