Peter Greenberg and San Francisco Chronicle Travel Editor Spud Hilton play the “What’s Worse” game.

From the hyper kid to gate lice, the travel experts explore all the common nuisances only to discover that they just might be the worst offenders.

Peter Greenberg: I love your newspaper feature where you ask: What’s worse, X or Y? Give me an example as it applies to the travel experience.

Spud Hilton: People really have a lot of complaints about air travel. One day, I just threw out a quick question: What’s worse, crying babies or a yapping dog on an airplane? Holy moly, everybody had a strong feeling.

PG: I’ve got one that’s worse—an adult crying like a baby and acting like a baby.

SH: We actually had those. There’s almost a final-four-type competition for oversized carry-on versus jerk passenger. It’s people who bring on the steamer trunk and think it’s actually a carry-on against the guy who sits there and talks really loudly and is racist.

Another one is the hyper kid versus the armrest hog. This resonated with everyone because the hyper kid is a little bit different from the crying baby.

PG: There’s a solution for the hyper kid: bulkhead seats. If the hyper kid wants to kick, he gets to kick the wall, not me. They should have a rule: All kids should be placed in bulkhead seats. Bulkhead seats are overrated for adults because we have no place to put our stuff. Problem solved.

SH: Just don’t let the kids kick the door. I wouldn’t want anyone kicking the door.

PG: That’s a myth. In the past couple of weeks, we’ve seen people in air-rage situations get crazy and try to rush to the door and open it. People have to understand the physics of this. It’s physically impossible at altitude to open any door. I don’t care how strong you are, the plane is pressurized. The door cannot open; it just can’t.

SH: Other parts of the plane can apparently open as they found out with Southwest. Dave Barry had a good line on Twitter which essentially said, The rumor is not true that Southwest will supply umbrellas, so you need to bring your own.

Prevent your kids from being the ones crying with the tips in our Family Travel section.

PG: That’s another issue. People who want to fly those sunroof flights can do it. In all seriousness, we had this situation with the Aloha plane in 1988 where the plane really did peel back and a flight attendant was lost over the Pacific. They miraculously landed that plane simply because all the control cables were under the floor and not in the ceiling. Afterward, the FAA demanded more frequent inspections using electromagnetic techniques to find hairline cracks and corrosion you wouldn’t see from the naked eye.

The Southwest incident gave us the opportunity to beef up the frequency of those inspections, especially for high-cycle airlines. A cycle is a take-off and a landing. For example, a 737 on a given day will do more take-offs and landings than a 747 will in a month. Every time you’re pressurizing or depressurizing that plane, the metal is stretching.

On a lighter note, give me another example of bad behavior.

SH: Gate lurkers, or as I call them gate lice, are horrible. Gate lice are the people in the last boarding group, say group 5, who still stand right at the gate in the way of everybody else. Gate lice make everybody else who has a lower number wonder, “Geez, why am I not in line?” Gate lice are so focused on their number being called that they don’t even realize that people are trying to get past them

PG: I worry about anyone who asks, “Am I in line?” Do they want to be in a line?

SH: The worst part about travel are other travelers. People are oblivious or self-involved or they don’t pay attention or they think they have the right to break the rules. That’s why gate lice kill me. Then there’s carousel crust.

Learn more: Air Travel News in the Airlines & Airports section

PG: This one I know too well. Let’s think about the physics of waiting for your bag at a carousel. If you take your body or your cart right up to the conveyor belt, no one can see the bags that are coming.

SH: These people basically press their shins up against the side of the metal for some perverse reason. Do they think think there’s gold bricks inside one of the bags? Is it first-come, first-serve? It’s not a Russian breadline!

PG: There’s a solution for this problem that has nothing to do with the problem. Do what I do: FedEx your bags.

SH: I absolutely agree but it’s not practical for every situation.

PG: Actually, on domestic flights it’s practical for any situation. You send it three days in advance via UPS or FedEx Ground. It costs only $10 more than the airlines wants to charge you to lose your bags. This way your bags go door-to-door and they’re waiting for you at the hotel when you get there. You save two and a half hours of your life and you don’t have to go anywhere near that refugee center known as baggage claim.

SH: I usually pack about 15 minutes before SuperShuttle shows up so that’s not quite as practical for me. But you know I understand.

PG: What’s worse, a guy who FedExes his bags or a guy who waits until 15 minutes before he leaves to pack?

SH: It depends on who you’re annoying. I’m not annoying anybody but me.

PG: Well, what you just told me annoyed me greatly.

By Peter Greenberg for Peter Greenberg Worldwide Radio. Learn more about San Francisco Chronicle Travel Editor Spud Hilton here.

Related articles:

• After Spate of Attempts, How Dangerous Is Opening Emergency Door Mid-Flight?
• Hole In Fuselage Prompts Southwest To Inspect All 737s
• Southwest Says Sorry For Kicking Off Screaming Child
• Avoiding Kids When Traveling
• Air Travel News: Airlines & Airports section