The Three-Way Airline Dance and European Travel Savings

Locations in this article:  Arlington, TX Atlanta, GA Fort Lauderdale, FL Las Vegas, NV Minneapolis, MN Orlando, FL

Airplane FlyingIt’s been a wild week in the world of travel, again.

You may have noticed that British Airways, American Airlines and Iberia are getting together.

Pretty soon there’s only going to be one airline and we’re all going to be sitting in the back of the plane with one tuna fish sandwich. Actually, let me amend that, we’re going to be sitting there with a photograph of a tuna fish sandwich.

Boy, Richard Branson is going to launch missiles on this one.

You might remember when American and BA tried to get together a couple of years ago, he painted the sides of his planes with “AA/BA, No Way.” Well, you know what, this time, there may be a way.

All three of these airlines are claiming it’s going to be great for consumers—it’s going to streamline their schedules, it’s going to result in more choices. You know, I don’t see it guys.

Every time a bank merges and they say no jobs will be eliminated and no branches will close, three days later you’re on your hands and knees begging to an ATM machine seven zip codes away. So watch out.

Especially if you’re traveling over the North Atlantic if this deal goes through. They’re going to combine flights and they’re going to dominate all the traffic over the North Atlantic, using Heathrow (my favorite airportnot) as a hub to connect through Europe.

They wanted to get that announcement done very quickly, and do you want to know why? They want to get in before the Bush administration leaves because the Bush administration wouldn’t know an anti-trust case if it saw one.

I’m really going to appeal to all the airlines to tell me why merging is going to benefit me. OK, time’s up. The answer is that there is no answer. It’s not going to benefit me.

AIRLINE PR NIGHTMARE

Arlington CemeteryThe other story that happened last week was a public relations disaster. Gee, a public relations disaster for an airline. It was about charging U.S. servicemen to check bags when they were on active duty.

It’s bad enough that they nickel and dime us. Why would they nickel and dime the people who are serving our country? This is nuts. It’s just indicative of what happens when the accountants start running the business. They’re all crazy, they’re absolutely crazy.

We can make jokes all day long about U.S. airlines charging us for water (that is, if they’re even carrying water). I love this—they’re going to charge for water unless you have to take medication. So what I said before and I’ll say it again, go to any drugstore or candy store, buy some M&Ms, claim it’s medication, and inform them that you’ll go into an acute depression if you don’t take your pills.

DON’T WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER

Clouds FlightAirfares, believe it or not, are starting to come down in select markets. But it’s not happening in certain markets: Anytime there’s a downturn in the economy, there are four locations in this country that get nailed in terms of airlift and fares.

They would be Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Las Vegas, and Hawaii because the airlines consider them leisure markets. They don’t care about them because even though the flights are full, there are no business-class passengers on those flights to make a difference. So they cut the capacity, fares go up, and you’re stuck in the middle seat next to the Sumo wrestler.

What you need to do is look on the Web sites now. Don’t necessarily book on the Web sites, look on them and then talk to a human being.

Don’t wait until September. You can find some great airfares now in Europe. You know why? Because while they cut capacity here (due to deregulation, anyone can fly anywhere at anytime), in Europe because of bilateral agreements and competitive reasons, they can’t cut capacity overseas or they’ll lose the routes.

So between September 15 and around November 17, and also around the first two weeks of December, you can go bowling on some of those flights.

The bottom line is that because if there’s availability, this is the one chance you’ve got to redeem those frequent-flier miles. You won’t have to book 330 days in advance. But this is not going to last very long.

Remember, the airlines have to fly the routes whether the plane is full or not. If you wait, don’t say I didn’t warn you because come next year, it’s only going to get worse.

FAREWELL TO AIR SERVICE

We’re soon going to see 80 to 100 U.S. cities—that’s right, you heard me—that are either going to have severely reduced air service, or no air service at all by January because the airlines are pulling out. If you think that we’re going to see increased flights across the North Atlantic if the American/BA/Iberia deal goes through, you are delusional.

The same thing goes for Northwest and Delta, which, by the way, received ratification last week from the EU that they’re okay to merge on their end of the deal. The pilots have basically signed onboard, so it’s now up to the U.S. government and regulatory agencies to approve it.

And you know what? They will. So if you live in Memphis, Minneapolis and Atlanta, bye-bye …

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