When you’re booking a hotel room, clarity means everything. Why did you choose a particular hotel? An advertisement? Price? Word of mouth? A guidebook?

And what do you hope to do at this hotel? Is this a business trip, and you only need a room? Is it a vacation? Does your trip have a combined purpose? What price are you willing to pay, and for what amenities?

Q: What’s a four-star hotel? A three-star hotel?
A: No one really knows.

I remember one London hotel’s boast that it was the city’s only five-star hotel. How did that happen? The hotel awarded the stars to itself! And these days, there are hotels in Dubai and beyond that are claiming six, seven, even 10 stars!

In many countries, the number of stars is awarded to a hotel by the individual municipal government that has jurisdiction over the hotel’s location. The number of stars is based only on the rates the hotel charges, rather than on any quality or service criteria.

Nevertheless, the star search continues. Mobil Guides award stars. AAA gives out diamonds in its guidebooks’ rating system. Hotels take these awards seriously. Why? It’s great for employee morale. The award begets other awards. And last but definitely not least , it allows certain hotels to justify charging higher rates. A top rating in a Mobil Guide supposedly can boost a hotel’s business by 20 percent.

In many cases, AAA’s diamonds don’t synchronize with Mobil’s stars. And what’s worse are the criteria. Hotels that are rated three diamonds or three stars are more often than not rated on the basis of their facilities, not their service.

At the upper levels, inspections do rate service. For example, under the Mobil criteria, how long does the registration process take at the front desk? If the hotel can do it in under three minutes and 20 seconds, it rates five stars; under three minutes and 48 seconds, it drops to four stars. How about baggage delivery to your room? Under seven minutes and 23 seconds, five stars. Under 10minutes and 15 seconds, four stars.

But all of this is subjective. Did other people decided to check in? Was there a large meeting going on in the hotel, heavily tasking the bellstaff?

So how does this help you? In the long run, it doesn’t – although it may be entertaining.

Because of these subjective criteria, I am not a fan of these ratings. If a guidebook gives a hotel five stars because it has a golf course, what possible use is that to me if I don’t play golf? I’m more interested in the water pressure in the shower, how the phones work, getting Internet access, how fast the valet parking unit delivers my car, and whether there are enough pillows on the bed. I care less about “fine dining” at hotels. I care more about whether room service can take my order and deliver the food to my room in less than 30 minutes. And there you have my “star” or “diamond” list.

Guidebooks and ratings have another problem. Because they are so subjective, I have a healthy cynicism about the accuracy of any descriptive words that end with “st.” My lie detector kicks in when I read that a hotel has been voted “greatest,” or “best,” or “most,” or “finest.” You get the picture.

Develop your own criteria for what makes a hotel worthy of your business. For example, what makes a hotel a “resort”: a swimming pool? Hardly. And what defines a “health club” or a “spa”? One treatment room and an old VHS Jane Fonda workout tape do not transform a hotel into a spa.

There is one bottom-line criterion for selecting a hotel. When American Express cardholders were surveyed about the most important factor in a comfortable overnight hotel stay, they responded that it was great water pressure in the bathroom. Are you hoteliers listening? Forget the fruit basket welcome. Work on the plumbing!

Excerpt from Peter’s book, The Travel Detective: How to Get the Best Service and the Best Deals from Airlines, Hotels, Cruise Ships, and Car Rental Agencies.

Pick up The Complete Travel Detective Bible from Amazon, Barnes & Noble or an independent retailer near you …

What has your experience been with hotels and their ratings? Leave us a comment and let us know.